Bittersweet

Its been almost three months exactly since I left Canada. I've packed my bags, checked out of my hotel and I am spending my last afternoon in India. The past few days have been bittersweet; the way you always feel when you are leaving somewhere, something, someone for the 'chapter'. These few months have been something extraordinary, I have collected some incredible memories and experiences that are now, somehow part of who I am. These experiences will shape who I am and what I have learned will somehow be transferred into the way I see the world and how I live in it. So, even though i am leaving, and there is a part of me that wishes I could stay longer, what I have from here is indellible - and that makes parting somehow easier.
The week spent in Varanasi (also known as Benares and Kashi) has been something else. This place is really weird and totally different from anywhere else I have seen in India. This is a holy city, the place where people bring their dead to be cremated by the river ganges. So lets talk a little bit about Varanasi; it is a really old town, made up of winding and infinately confusing alleys. The streets are full of garbage and shit - cow, monkey, people, goat and dog poo is everywhere - you really have to watch your step. It also pays to have your wits about you because as you stand at a little shop getting a chai, or maybe a package of 'hide and seek' cookies, a parade of singing men is likely to come up behind you - they are chanting and carrying a dead body that is wrapped in colorful and tinsled cloth. If you follow this small parade you'll make it to the burning ghat. This is where the bodies are burned. There is an eternal fire, which apparently has existed for all eternity, and this is the fire that lights the crematory bonfires. The fires are on for 24 hours, it takes about 3 hours to burn a body and they burn about 300-400 bodies a day. The cost of cremation is around 200 ruppees (that about $5cad), however since the price of wood has risen, so has the cost of a funeral. The reason so many come to Benares for cremation is that the holiness and divine nature of the Ganges will transport ones soul directly to heaven - how convenient. Even if one is burned elsewhere, if the ashes are simply put into the river after they soul goes directly to nirvana. This brings up two further points to discuss: the bodies that are actually allowed to be burned and the current state of the river ganga itself.
There are, as I can remember, only 4 kinds of people who are absolutely not allowed to be cremated. These include mothers who are still with child, children, Sadhus and people with leprocy. Mostly the reason across the board for such people is that they are already, due to their condition, somehow holy and therefore cremation is not necessary. What happens instead is that these bodies are simply dumped int the river, with a rock tied to them. However sometimes the rock can break free and it is possible to see the remnants of a corpse as you float by in a boat. We were even lucky enough to see a dead goat float up onto the shore while a dog happily munched on its intestines.
This brings me to the second point of discussion: the state of the River Ganga. It is flippin' filthy. But also, it is holy. So, what this means is that the river is pretty much sewage. There are about 4 sewage lines that run into the river, and also 2 water pumps that service the city within. After cremation, ashes are dumped into the river. And, once ones family member(s) is/are burned it is customary to bathe in the water. People drink regularly from the river. I have witnessed it myself. My western stomach churns at the idea of bathing, let alone drinking the sludge, but somehow it happens without a problem for Indians. It would seem these people have immunity made of pure steel.
Given the poo strewn everywhere, the garbage, the ashes, river and air pollution, this place remains pretty magical! I remember when I was in Mysore having a conversation with another traveler about the 'mystical' or 'magical' element of India we both felt we had yet to encounter; perhaps this was an misconception but we both had it; it was an expectation that India had not yet met. Although it was here in Benares that I felt the magical and the mystical part of India. There is something in the air here, something about why people come here, and what they do, and the way people pray constantly, the many Babas and Sadhus that line the river that makes it a world totally unto its own. Plus it is incredibly beautiful; steeples of temples, minarets and colorful ghats paint the riverside, kites fill the air and the pale sunset makes the afternoons glow a kind of soft pink. Magic.
So, the last few days here have been nice. My friend Julian, who was an old neighbor in Montreal came into town from Nepal. This was a really amazing reunion as i haven't seen him in two whole years - he's been abroad. So, it was weird sitting across from him at a table over dhal and palak paneer, sipping chai and discussing the subcontinent. It felt really out of context, but even so we've caught up and had some fun poking around this dirty old town. I've also had the chance to meet some other lovely travelers, all with interesting and exciting adventures behind and ahead of them. Alien, from Belguim spent the day with me as we perused many silk shops, made our way through winding bazaars and drank chai throughout the day. I went for a lovely Israeli dinner some friendly folks from Israel itself.
So how do I sum it all up? What has India taught me? Am I a changed person? I can't sum it all up, its too vast and specific to retell, even though I have tried in vain by writing bits and pieces online. India has taught me lots of things like patience and peace (shanti shanti), a good sense of humor, and that you can say both yes and no by bobbling your head. And of course I have changes, but I don't think its been anything so drastic. I remember hearing people respond to my claim "I am going to India" with something like ít'll be so life-changing' or 'you'll come back such a different person' and honestly, I don't think its true. Sure its changed some things in my life, but I am just me. That the big lesson from traveling: without your known and familiar environment, your family, your friends and your jobs and everyday activities to help shape who you are, I am able to see everything that is left behind, the 'just me' part, and honestly, there aren't too many surprises. With the time to reflect on life and identity and the world (all big subjects of course), it seems you can gain some real perspective on who you are with out all of those outside influencing factors.
So, tonight I'll find my way to the train station and sleep my last night on an upper berth zipping from Varanasi to Delhi. I'll go straight to the airport (no need to spend more time than needed in delhi...) and head to London. Then the last ol'leg of the trip is to Toronto.
See you soon...